“To be adult is to be alone.”
Rostand, Jean

Being alone. That shouldn’t be too hard isn’t it? After all, I have been alone for a while. Alone in the house or simply wandering the streets on my own. A common occurrence for the past ten years.
Alone doesn’t seem to be such a scary prospect after all.

But things are never that simple. Of late, I seem to want company more than being just left alone. And then when it suddenly disappears and you are stripped of all the interaction. You come face to face with you. It can be disconcerting at first, an awkward silence because you haven’t faced yourself for so long. But then it gets comforting, this is the real you. The only time you can find yourself, orientate, make-sense and think. Shut out from the world around me and those who know me. Sometimes you still find yourself acceptable… someone you can live with. Other times, you feel disappointed about certain things that you do or what you have become. I hope I have not lost too much time.

Perhaps I have lost myself in the bustle of urban life; only to realize that some important part is missing once the crowd dies away. Lost my bearings I think.

My recent visit to a monastery while on my trip started to make me think about several things. Who I am, what I am, how I would like to be. It might be time to make them concrete.

Alone.
What does it mean to be alone? 孤独和寂寞之间有很大的差异。The latter has elements of the former while the former could exist on its own. If you simply desire to feel human presence around you, are you 孤独or just 寂寞?