Have you ever had a friend, not an acquaintance, but a friend, whom you feel comfortable with you wish to know more but realize that its not possible? We come across different people in life and our friends... well they how close we are to them differs as well. A close friend might not be a trusted friend and no matter how close you are to someone, you might still have reservations about what to tell them.
Back to this friend, for convenience sake we'll call the person 甲. To outsiders you look as if the two of us are close friends and always fooling around with the other. But you both know that there's nothing much beyond that. Maybe the fooling around was to cover the unease that would otherwise exist because you know so little of the other. Sometimes I feel the more I talk to 甲the more it seems that there's something behind the person I'm speaking to and 甲is not about to let me know. Yes the person's a nice one, you would like to get to know more as a friend, but you've come up to barrier that doesnt seem to be coming down anytime soon. Perhaps that's just how far you can go. There's a sadness about 甲that I can't seem to put my finger on... maybe he has walled himself in trying to come to terms with whatever he's facing. I can only hope he would find it soon.
Been having a school break for about a week already... trying to do several things.
Back to this friend, for convenience sake we'll call the person 甲. To outsiders you look as if the two of us are close friends and always fooling around with the other. But you both know that there's nothing much beyond that. Maybe the fooling around was to cover the unease that would otherwise exist because you know so little of the other. Sometimes I feel the more I talk to 甲the more it seems that there's something behind the person I'm speaking to and 甲is not about to let me know. Yes the person's a nice one, you would like to get to know more as a friend, but you've come up to barrier that doesnt seem to be coming down anytime soon. Perhaps that's just how far you can go. There's a sadness about 甲that I can't seem to put my finger on... maybe he has walled himself in trying to come to terms with whatever he's facing. I can only hope he would find it soon.
Been having a school break for about a week already... trying to do several things.
- Meet up with friends hasn't been successful thus far.
- Torn about an ISM (to do or not to do) when i should already be well over this stage.
- Spending time with my parents.. something I havent been able to do much this semester. Perhaps it only started this year, I'm not certain... but it seems like I've drifted a little further from them towards an unknown. Been bz? But that's always a convenient excuse isn't it?
- Spending more time with the dance classes that I'm picking up. Thinking about possibly increasing the level of commitment there.
- Start to think about a job. I met up with Soh recently and he gave me some advice on this. Its about time I should start considering this issues seriously...
- Read some fiction or anything outside history.
The worst part about all this is that I haven't started much on item 2 & 5. The others are still not so hard to do. Yes I'm just lazy... I know I should get going but I'm not moving.
现在到底想干什么？
posted by Ah Cat at 7:44 pm
2 Comments:
hate to admit it. but yes, someone whose been my friend for almost 10 years, seems to have drifted apart and that's very painful. sometimes both spoken and unspoken things seem quite awkward. don't know why humans have this need to feel wanted. if you're not wanted by your "best friend" as defined by someone who's been your friend for a long period, then it feels like your existence is in question.
Hey Damon, havent seen you for sometime also beyond the few seconds I occasionally pass u by in school. You ALWAYS look so drained. Lets go for sup sometime ya since we all live so near. Haha! Have some time to catch up.
BTW, still do night cycling?
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