Memory, lived reality & morality

Yes.. its over. I hope.

Now to start on catching up on the backlog of work. Prior to that I went to some of the sites my friends have been bloggin at. Really quite amusing. One of them was musing about how a bench got thrown into a canal... Weird things people do.

Some time back I was thinking about the issue of memory. You can consider yourself to have 'lived' if someone remembers you right? What if those people who do pass on? Does it mean you cease to exist? A name, just like any other names, on a tombstone/tablet just like any other.

Then something came to mind. Maybe it doesnt matter if you're someone who did immense good for the people, or simply a trusting fella who was caught in trying times (Dubcek in Czechoslovakia). They are extra-ordinary because they possess certain attributes that favours them in their present circumstances.

If Hitler, Stalin and other well-known mass killers wanted to leave a legacy, they were highly successful. If your aim was for someone to remember you, the morality of your actions doesn't really feature in does it? We remember these people, not pleasantly though, but they're never forgotten because the enormity of their actions doesnt allow us or society to forget them.
Wonder if they ever thought about this when they acted the way they did.

I'm such a disappointment

SHIT!!! I've totally neglected to include the '89 dissent in East Germany part into my essay when it clearly says in my sub-headers 1960s to 80s. While the lecturer was covering it today everything just starts to look a lot bleaker.

Its so important, so unique and so significant; best part of it all, I left it out while discussing Dissent in East Germany. I'm so going to pay through my nose for this! 40% of the grade! Shitty things happen when you realize you should have done more while reading up.

Its just typical isn't it.. there's always things i would like to have done if only there was more time.. yet again I don't think I would be satisfied even with that.

Exams around the corner.. assignments not cleared yet and then I still feel I know peanuts about everything I've been doing thus far. Most probably I'm going to end up sumitting peanuts and get a monkey grade for that.

I'm not angry with myself or anything... its just disappointed I guess. Could have been better, but isn't that what life is about? You always try to make it better. At least things weren't as bleak as last sem when I almost thought I should just go on a sem break given how ill I became.

A lot to be done yet so little I seem to be able to do. Suddenly I feel I'm damned to mediocrity (this is so going to sound megalomanic), not that there's anything wrong with being average but I've always thought if you could be better why not right?

Then again what is better? Maybe I'm fine, just thinking too much. Time to stop thinking and go eat, I'm starving, stomach is growling, presentation at 6pm later for the marketing plan...
Its time to get going again.