I think I finally understood the reasons behind the bouts of loneliness that I occasionally feel. Sentiments that usually hit you when you are on your own... deep in thoughts.

It started off with something almost unrelated.. An idle chatter about fragrance...
A: What is that fragrance you're wearing?
Me: Hmm.. Hugo, deep red.
A: Smells rather musky.. Musk is usually reserved for guys right? Quite masculine.
Me: Not really. I rather like it.

I always believed that the fragrance you choose should reflect who you are, your real self. Musky, complex.. maybe these scents appeal to me because they're bold, but not loud; strong and confident. In certain ways, I feel I am like that. At least emotionally.

But then again, it reveals something else. This bold and strong side of me... mask a more fragile aspect. An emotional loneliness or solitude. With no one for me to lean on emotionally; I can only be strong both for myself and those around me. There really isnt much of a choice... and anything less, seemed to be less of me.

Till the time comes, when he walks into my life, to be my pillar of strength. I shall walk alone. Alone, like I always have...